Annex 1
THE CASE OF "Y"
I got married in India. My husband came
back to Britain with his family two weeks after our marriage.
He did not appear to be very happy. I did not pay much attention
to it at first. I put it to not knowing each other and cultural
differences. It was an arranged marriage. I tried to break the
ice by asking him about his work, life in Britain and so on but
he changed the subject every time. He only talked to me if it
was necessary. I again put it to being shy and not knowing me
well and thought communication will improve with time. However
on the day he returned to Britain he told me, at the airport,
that he did not wish to marry me but did so to please his mother.
I was stunt to hear this and felt my
world had collapsed in front of me. I cried all the way back home.
I could not tell my family about it because they would have been
devastated. My father had compelled me to get marry to this man.
I thought if I tell him about this conversation, he would think
I was making this up, as I did not wish to go abroad.
My father-in-law brought all the documents
to India, accompanied me to the British Embassy and was granted
a spousal visa for two years after an interview. I arrived into
Britain a year after the marriage. My husband was still very quiet
and did not show any excitement as new couples usually do. Life
was not pleasant from the beginning. I was criticised for every
little thing and was shouted at by my in-laws.
I stayed with my In-laws for four months
before moving into a house jointly owned by my husband and his
younger brother. My husband did not come home until early morning
every day and then he demanded to have sex with him. He beat me
up if I refused. I was raped every night. Although he refused
to eat the food I cooked he must have sex with me. One day my
brother-in-law said that as my husband did not have any interest
in me, I could become his mistress.
I, due to my upbringing, did not want
to break my marriage and hoped one day he would turn back and
life would become normal. I started working in a sewing factory,
although I have M.A. degree in politics and am computer literate.
I had no choice but to accept employment that came to my direction.
This gave me something to occupy my mind. I wanted to upgrade
my education to British level but my in-laws did not allow me
to do so. I heard them talking one day that if I were allowed
to take further education, I most certainly would not stay with
their son or would become too independent.
I tolerated everything for sake of my
marriage. My neighbour however sent for police twice but I refused
to press charges. My in-laws and my husband threatened to send
me back to India and refused to apply for indefinite leave to
remain in Britain. I begged my father-in-law for help but they
all were insistent to send me back. My father had heart attack
when he heard what I had been going through for the two years
I lived with my husband and his family. Although my parents love
me to bits the social pressure was such they felt helpless and
said they would be humiliated by the village community if I return
with the label "divorcee". Due to social norms, I would
not have been valued regardless of my education. I therefore had
no choice left but to leave home and applied for indefinite leave
to remain under the Domestic Violence Rule. My husband beat me
again on the night before I left. Regardless of the threats and
beating and sexual abuse, I did not wish to take this action.
My neighbours again called the police and this time I felt I could
not continue to bear abuse as my marriage clearly was over.
The police took me the a distant relative
who accommodated me for a few weeks and I had to leave for another
one who also did not wish to keep me for indefinitely. I did not
get a place in refuge because of my immigration status. Police
tried to persuade me to give a statement but I still did not wish
to hurt my in-laws by pressing charged against my husband until
my father-in-law refused to speak to me.
This young woman left with the help of
the police and was taken to a distance relative where she had
to leave to be with another one. She did not get a place in a
refuge because of her immigration status. The relative she is
with did not wish to support her indefinitely. After a lot of
persuasion by the police she has now pressed charges to rape.
She was still thinking her in-laws did not want them to be heart
until her father-in-law refused to speak to her; she was left
with no choice but to cooperate with the police.
This young woman later contacted me a
couple of months to let me know that she was returning to her
husband as he and her in-laws have given her assurance through
some other relations that what happened in the past would not
be repeated. She said she was living a life of a destitute and
was under a lot of pressure from her own family and people acting
as middle persons. I did try to explain to her that this kind
of behaviour does not stop and she should think carefully. She
said she would leave her life to the God. I have not heard from
this young woman since.
I think if the state support was forthcoming,
she did not have to live at the mercy of her relations. In my
opinion she did not get the protection British nationals and those
with settled immigration status get under the Domestic Violence,
Crime and Victims Act 2004. This lady and many like her are let
down by the system. This is an example that in fear of destitution
many women with uncertain immigration status continue to live
in the violent household. The violence and abuse does not only
come from the husband, the whole family are participants especially
in the joint families.
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