Annex 2
THE CASE OF "M"
I got engaged in India. Six months later
I arrive in Britain on a fiancée visa.
Everyone was very happy with me. My wedding
date was fixed for March. As I did not have any relations in Britain
I stayed with my husband's aunty until I got married. She treated
me very well.
We went for honeymoon where my husband
often left me in the room alone and said he was going to order
a meal for us from the hotel but did not used to return for several
hours. He would say he had been talking to a friend and would
say nothing more. On our return he said he wanted to start family
straight away but I did not think this was wise because I wanted
to settled together and be independent. He used to come back home
late and said he had been with friends and avoided me questioning
him. However he became pretty responsible after I got pregnant.
He came back home reasonably early and was considerate about my
needs. I was very happy with the change in him.
My mother-in-law on the other hand was
not happy me being pregnant and told me off. I said it was a joint
decision and asked her to ask her son. I however was very worried
and upset because my mother-in-law started giving me hard time
but I did not share it with my husband thinking he may not like
to be talked about his mother. Noticing I being unhappy my husband
asked me for the reason of me being upset and stressed. I told
him about the conversation with mother-in-law. He advised me not
to take any notice of her.
My mother-in-law started telling tales
to my husband that I did not do any work and was being lazy although
I did all the housework before I went to work, made breakfast
for everyone and did the washing up. I had to do dusting every
day after I came back from work, cooked the evening meal, and
served food, did washing up and did the laundry at the weekend.
All this made me very tired. On top of all this my mother-in-law
was insistent that I learnt English. It was not that I was not
interested but I did not have any energy left and could not concentrate.
I was made to walk to the education centre that was one and half
miles away from home. Although there were cars in the house standing
idle, no one offered me a lift.
I tolerated all this in order to save
my marriage. My life took another move when my mother-in-law went
abroad with her daughters. I was five months pregnant then. One
day my husband was not at home either. I was alone with my father-in-law.
He asked me to sleep with him. I could not believe what I was
hearing. I thought how a Father (I treated him like one) could
say such a thing to his daughter. I protested and threatened that
I shall tell everyone. He backed off. I believe he was aware of
the consequences.
When I told my husband and other members
of the family, they all took my father-in-law's side and said
he was not capable of such a thing. My life toppled up now. My
husband now joined his parents and I was beaten up physically
and mentally tortured daily. My mother-in-law did not want my
husband to share the room with me and he moved into another room.
I gave birth to a lovely son. Now I was
occupied with my son and I enjoyed being with him. Although the
family behaviour had not changed I was able to tolerate it better
because I had my son who gave me lot of joy and reason to live.
My husband was also happy although he did not show the happiness
in front of his parents. He used to come into my bedroom and we
had a secret family life. These secret meetings bore result and
I got pregnant again. When my mother-in-law found this out she
accused me having an affair and argued that since her son was
sleeping in a different room the pregnancy was by someone else.
I looked at my husband hoping he will support me; he looked away
and said that child was not his. I could not believe I was hearing
this I wish the earth gave way and I was buried in it. I could
take my life if it was not for my son. Despite all this I stayed
with my husband and his family. Where could I go? I did not know
my rights, did not know where to get help. One day he beat me
so severely and nearly threw me down the stairs and was rescued
by a worker in the shop my in-laws own.
Next day my in-laws arranged to move
me into another house they owned. My husband visited me there.
His behaviour towards me continued to be the same. One day I was
going up the stairs, my husband pulled me down and beat me heartlessly.
I could tolerate no more so I called the police and was taken
into a refuge. I had only two pounds. I bought one loaf of bread,
margarine and a carton of milk. I made sure my son was fed but
I did not eat for ten days before the refuge gave me ten pounds
for shopping. At the anti-natal clinic I found my child died in
my womb. I became very distressed and grieved for my child alone.
To make things worst I found that I had
over-stayed my visa. I was very worried for mine and my child's
future. Where would I go with my child if I was deported? I lived
stressful life for two years before I was granted indefinite leave
to remain in Britain. My experience is beyond words. I would not
wish it upon no one, not even my worst enemy.
It is my wish that Government protects
women like me and gets rid of the probationary period and should
give them right to access public fund, so that they do not have
to go through further hardship they suffer from their in-laws.
I do not wish to be reminded of my experience.
I want to bury it deep in my heart. My experience wrecked my self-esteem.
I had no confidence; all I did was cried, cried and cried. I am
now trying to rebuild my life. I got a job. My son goes to school.
I am happy with my life. However my past still haunts me as it
walks with me like a shadow that makes me shiver.
February 2008
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